In eight days, I’ll be walking down the aisle to tie the knot. I’m really excited, but it’s also very stressful. There are things that Marc and I still need to take care of, and the work I needed to finish before leaving for my honeymoon is quite overwhelming. I’ve been trying to avoid blogging since this major stress week started—I don’t want my posts to turn out to be angsty, whiny and pointless entries—but I figured that writing about the strange emotional rollercoaster I’m in now could do me good.

I do hope I’m still normal, because to tell you the truth, I haven’t seen much blogs of soon-to-weds that show an emotion other than excitement. I’m not denying that I’m also excited, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the iceberg is probably made up of fear. Am I strange to feel this way? Or am I just reading too many hyped up blog entries about pre-wedding jitters? Or maybe these soon-to-wed bloggers are just denying to themselves the fear they feel? Honestly, I don’t see any reason to just be excited and not feel scared at the same time.

Marriage will be a huge step for me, it’s like getting out of the comfort zone I’ve had for years and then starting a new one. That’s really scary, especially for someone who is extremely wary and likes to play safe.

I’m not a coward, but the idea of not knowing what to expect scares me. I’m the type of person who likes coming up with backup plans—“if this happens, I’ll do this, if not, this is what I’ll do.” Fine. I’m so not adventurous. But it only takes me one time to learn from my mistakes—I don’t like making the same mistakes just because I was careless. I’ve been so careless during my younger years that I feel I’d be an idiot to not to think twice before I act.

Which brings me back to this fear I’ve been experiencing for the past few days. There are so many things that scare me about this upcoming wedding, I don’t even know where to begin. But I guess the thing about it that scares me the most is the thought that I can’t just run to Daddy for the little things I don’t want to handle myself.

Yes. I’m a daddy’s girl. And I have always been. Even my mom had told me that I am when she was still healthy. According to my mom, I was so attached to my dad when I was a kid that I got to the point of volunteering to be a “watch-your-car” girl just to be able to accompany Daddy to work.

As I have told Abe, Noel, and Migs yesterday during our small meet-up after the Exist press conference, little things could easily set me off bawling these days. I haven’t cried in about a year, and now, I’m doing it on a regular basis. I can block off emotion easily (being callous really does help with my kind of job), but this one, I can’t seem to just shut off.

Yeah. I’m that scared.

After next week, I just can’t run to Daddy when I have a “situation” anymore. I would have to learn to handle things on my own with Marc. I have faith that Marc and I would be able to cope and handle any challenges that will come our way as long as we stick together, but I’ve just been so used to going to Daddy for “magic” solutions. It’s hard not to feel scared (ok fine, I’m a tad bit terrified) that things won’t be the same anymore after I walk down that aisle eight days from now.