I have. Actually, I thought about this about a week ago when my dad’s photographer friend asked for help in transferring his studio’s domain name info to his daughter. The domain is under his late son’s email address (unfortunately, they have no idea what his password is), and he was asking for help in domain transfer and updating his web site. Luckily, my design company’s web host is owned by a friend, so I didn’t feel too weird asking them what to do in such an odd circumstance.

The death of my dad’s friend’s son was totally unexpected—that’s why my dad’s friend had the domain registered under his name. As I remember hearing from a CSI: Crime Scene Investigation past episode… “Children aren’t supposed to die before their parents.” But it happens. And when it does, we’re usually unprepared for it.

The Light

I guess that’s one of the things about us “young people.” We know that we still have a whole lifetime ahead of us, and thinking about death is something far from our mind. I heard my dad tell an aunt once that he was finding it difficult to accept the fact that he’s nearing the point of his life when he needs to start thinking about what will happen when he’s gone. I never thought I would too, honestly. It never really occurred to me until my dad’s friend brought up his domain problem with me last week.

I think ever since my mom suffered a stroke and my sister went into psychiatric treatment I’ve become more concerned about the possibility of losing one’s lifestyle in a snap. This was the same reason why Marc and I are really investing on medical insurance and pension plans. It’s a real pain paying for it monthly, but in the long run I think it would be a good thing. I’m not trying to sell you insurance here or anything, it’s just based on experience: my dad was able to collect for my mom and my sister’s hospitalizations. After seeing what happened with my family, I wanted my own little family to have the same security—or even more.

In important things like health and finances, I know that my husband and I have them pretty much covered. But the teeny-weeny details, I can’t help but think about (even though I know that I’m just wearing myself down thinking about them).

But when you really think about it, life can be taken from you even when you least expect it. I would rather die after a long and fruitful life on my bed with my Marc by my side, but not everyone will have that kind of exit. You can walk across the street that you’ve been crossing every single day of your life, then suddenly get hit by a drunken driver. You can also end up getting shot by simply attending class, just like what happened to the unfortunate students in Virginia Tech.

It sounds quite silly to wonder about trivial things like “what will happen to my dog if I die.” It’s something that you wouldn’t want to worry about. But come on. Face it. Death is inevitable. You don’t know when it’s going to happen.

If I die before my hair turned gray and my skin started to sag…

  • … Marc will probably need to hire a designer to complete pending projects that I will leave if I die before I finish them.
  • … Abe will have to transfer all of my domain’s info to Marc’s name, and Sasha will be stuck alone with My Filipino Wedding. Marc and Abe will probably be the ones updating my other blogs if they decide not to shut them down. I don’t think Marc will shut down Pinoy Dog-Lover though (sayang ang TLA hehehe). Marc will probably create a post in Kutitots about me dying and leave it in memory of me.
  • … The Band of Bloggers will probably create a special podcast in honor of my memory. Hehehehe.
  • … My dogs will probably wait for me by the gate and wonder when “I’ll be home.” I saw a loyal dog do this in an Animal Planet special, so maybe my dogs love me so much that they’ll do the same.
  • … My family will surely miss me. Marc and my dad will probably be broken-hearted, and my mom will probably start crying regularly again. What I don’t want to think about is what will happen to my younger sister. “Broken-hearted” won’t even half describe what she’ll go through. And I’m not saying this because I’m just full of myself.

You see, I’ve always been my sister’s “hero.” Which really isn’t surprising, when you think about it. I am, after all, older than she is. And usually, if circumstances were right, younger sisters tend to admire and look up to their older sisters.

If there’s one person that I’m really worried about if I die before my time is really up, it’s my sister. My sister is unlike my parents and Marc—she is schizophrenic. Her doctor said that no matter how ok she is because of the medication, her emotional capacity will still be different from you and me. Maybe that’s why I want to be sure I more or less have everything important covered before my demise.

You’re now probably thinking that I’ve finally lost it for blogging such a very long post on something so morbid. But when you really think about it, death isn’t really that bad. I like to think that the reason we fear death is because we don’t fully understand it—a fear of the unknown, as I have said earlier. We know for a fact that corpses rot underground, but what becomes of us? What becomes of the person when he dies? We don’t know. And that’s probably why we fear it. We don’t know what’s going to happen.

If you don’t think it’s morbid (which I really expect some people will think it is), what do you think will happen if you passed away sooner than expected? I’m really curious.