I have. Actually, I thought about this about a week ago when my dad’s photographer friend asked for help in transferring his studio’s domain name info to his daughter. The domain is under his late son’s email address (unfortunately, they have no idea what his password is), and he was asking for help in domain transfer and updating his web site. Luckily, my design company’s web host is owned by a friend, so I didn’t feel too weird asking them what to do in such an odd circumstance.
The death of my dad’s friend’s son was totally unexpected—that’s why my dad’s friend had the domain registered under his name. As I remember hearing from a CSI: Crime Scene Investigation past episode… “Children aren’t supposed to die before their parents.†But it happens. And when it does, we’re usually unprepared for it.
I guess that’s one of the things about us “young people.†We know that we still have a whole lifetime ahead of us, and thinking about death is something far from our mind. I heard my dad tell an aunt once that he was finding it difficult to accept the fact that he’s nearing the point of his life when he needs to start thinking about what will happen when he’s gone. I never thought I would too, honestly. It never really occurred to me until my dad’s friend brought up his domain problem with me last week.
I think ever since my mom suffered a stroke and my sister went into psychiatric treatment I’ve become more concerned about the possibility of losing one’s lifestyle in a snap. This was the same reason why Marc and I are really investing on medical insurance and pension plans. It’s a real pain paying for it monthly, but in the long run I think it would be a good thing. I’m not trying to sell you insurance here or anything, it’s just based on experience: my dad was able to collect for my mom and my sister’s hospitalizations. After seeing what happened with my family, I wanted my own little family to have the same security—or even more.
In important things like health and finances, I know that my husband and I have them pretty much covered. But the teeny-weeny details, I can’t help but think about (even though I know that I’m just wearing myself down thinking about them).
But when you really think about it, life can be taken from you even when you least expect it. I would rather die after a long and fruitful life on my bed with my Marc by my side, but not everyone will have that kind of exit. You can walk across the street that you’ve been crossing every single day of your life, then suddenly get hit by a drunken driver. You can also end up getting shot by simply attending class, just like what happened to the unfortunate students in Virginia Tech.
It sounds quite silly to wonder about trivial things like “what will happen to my dog if I die.†It’s something that you wouldn’t want to worry about. But come on. Face it. Death is inevitable. You don’t know when it’s going to happen.
If I die before my hair turned gray and my skin started to sag…
- … Marc will probably need to hire a designer to complete pending projects that I will leave if I die before I finish them.
- … Abe will have to transfer all of my domain’s info to Marc’s name, and Sasha will be stuck alone with My Filipino Wedding. Marc and Abe will probably be the ones updating my other blogs if they decide not to shut them down. I don’t think Marc will shut down Pinoy Dog-Lover though (sayang ang TLA hehehe). Marc will probably create a post in Kutitots about me dying and leave it in memory of me.
- … The Band of Bloggers will probably create a special podcast in honor of my memory. Hehehehe.
- … My dogs will probably wait for me by the gate and wonder when “I’ll be home.†I saw a loyal dog do this in an Animal Planet special, so maybe my dogs love me so much that they’ll do the same.
- … My family will surely miss me. Marc and my dad will probably be broken-hearted, and my mom will probably start crying regularly again. What I don’t want to think about is what will happen to my younger sister. “Broken-hearted†won’t even half describe what she’ll go through. And I’m not saying this because I’m just full of myself.
You see, I’ve always been my sister’s “hero.†Which really isn’t surprising, when you think about it. I am, after all, older than she is. And usually, if circumstances were right, younger sisters tend to admire and look up to their older sisters.
If there’s one person that I’m really worried about if I die before my time is really up, it’s my sister. My sister is unlike my parents and Marc—she is schizophrenic. Her doctor said that no matter how ok she is because of the medication, her emotional capacity will still be different from you and me. Maybe that’s why I want to be sure I more or less have everything important covered before my demise.
You’re now probably thinking that I’ve finally lost it for blogging such a very long post on something so morbid. But when you really think about it, death isn’t really that bad. I like to think that the reason we fear death is because we don’t fully understand it—a fear of the unknown, as I have said earlier. We know for a fact that corpses rot underground, but what becomes of us? What becomes of the person when he dies? We don’t know. And that’s probably why we fear it. We don’t know what’s going to happen.
If you don’t think it’s morbid (which I really expect some people will think it is), what do you think will happen if you passed away sooner than expected? I’m really curious.
What might happen:
1. Someone from Godchicks would probably post about what happened.
2. I don’t want to think about what my family would be doing or feeling…I feel sad just thinking about it. 🙁
3. My YFC/SFC friends would all be at my wake and they’d be comforting my family.
4. My college blockmates might make a tribute/website/video about me.
5. I know for sure that people at work would collect money for my family.
I remember during my college friend’s dad’s wake, I was hit with the realization that I am in the age where people who took care of me are really getting old and could get a fatal sickness or die anytime. Morbid, I know, but it’s reality. I felt scared at the thought — what if my dad or mom or a parent of a close friend passed away, what will I/we do now?
Although I’m no stranger to death (I’ve known a lot of people who are around my age who died, but I wasn’t that close to these people that), it’s unnerving. Like what you said, death is a big unknown that we will not find out what it is about unless we get there…and there’s no turning back. But such is life, it’s reality.
Weirdly enough, this post reminds me of Sana Maulit Muli, the recently concluded teleserye of Kim and Gerald. Hahahaha. =))
It’s a morbid post Gail but you know I’m very much aware of my mortality. I lost my mom when I was 15 and so many things have happened that was too close to home. 9/11, Beltway Sniper, Virgina Tech, and last year I was reeling at the news that a college classmate was raped and stabbed multiple times at her own home with her baby.
I have yet to make my Will, it’s such a daunting task- it’s been in my to-do list for the past 3 years- I feel sick to my stomach whenenver I try to start it. It’s not that I have lots worldly possessions to pass on but I would like to be able to have a say on how my daughter will be raised.
If it happens… my daughter will loose a mom. My husband will loose his wife. My father will loose a daughter. My siblings will loose a sister.
Good point about the domain, I shall stipulate that part of my life insurance money will pay for hosting and pass it on to my husband and daughter.
I don’t even know where I want to be buried. Maybe I would ask to be cremated so that it’s easy to carry around. Pinag-isip mo tuloy ako!
When I was in high school and college, we used to do an “exercise for a happy death”, though this actually asks for your spiritual preparedness. It basically teaches you to be prepared daily, not as some people say “Pag matanda na ako at saka ko iisipin yan” – mentality.
Your thoughts about what others will do speaks of your generosity. If I were in your shoes, I would be thinking first of the relationships (mending, making the most of, letting go of petty stuff) and focus on them. If you do this, it matters little who will continue your blog or feed your dog. All that matters is that you’ve loved in the best way you could.
Hon, pano na mga pangarap natin!!? (Vote Pichay).
Honestly. I do not know. Funeral arrangements are mostly for the living than for the departed. I do have a bit of paper somewhere tucked in for such an occasion – list, wishes, the last word and the last series of jokes, which I should update yearly. JPII had a good practice of yearly renewing his will every year, as Jun said its part of being spiritually prepared. When I leave this world hopefully some people would be sad enough enough to remember me but not long enough to cause grief and depression. In a nutshell its die, cremate, last will & wishes, scatter the dust, and move on. Death is but another voyage we have to make 🙂
You’re right. Death comes when you least expect it (no one expects/anticipates to die any moment anyway) — and that’s it! Just that one feeting moment, just ONE DAY, and everything’s never the same.
My Dad’s death last month was even beyond unexpected. He still drove for me and my mom that day. He still went to the doctor for his usual heart checkup and came out with a clean bill of health. He was laughing. He was joking even. He was planning for our next family get together. And then the night came, and he was eating dinner when he just suddenly felt sleepy (no choking, no struggling for air whatsoever) and poof. He’s gone.
We were devasted, and everyone who was close to our family was (still is) broken hearted. I’d like to think that some people will shed tears too when I die (but definitely fewer than those who cried for my dad, of course). Er, well, there’s Mom. Hehe. I’m sure she’ll cry. But I honestly don’t want her to live to see that day happen. You’re right. And I hear from parents too, that it’s so much harder outliving their kids.
The thing is, I think it is when one dies that he/she becomes more alive in the hearts and minds of those people who love him/her. It is in dying that people would really appreciate your presence, and how much they’d give anything to have you back again.
But okay, that’s way too emotional for a comment. I should shift to my own blog and post my thoughts there instead, hehe.
Hi Gail. 🙂
Yay. Ako, am scared of the subject. See? I can’t even mention the word.
Have you ever wondered what will happen when you die?
A: I am ready na. When I was diagnosed that I had leukemia I even turned down the doctors for kimotheraphy. If God wants me to be with Him now I won’t hold back. 🙂 at least I already serve Him na. Pero ehe andito pa rin ako and my Leukemia miraculously healed so its not yet my time.
Pero I am ready if ever 🙂