Yah I know, that’s not something to be proud of. But hey, I got to accept the fact: I have been (and probably still am) a delinquent blogger.

The I-am-busy-with-work excuse is getting old, and frankly, even I’m getting tired of telling myself that very same excuse. Well, it’s true that I’m still very busy with work and the 2008 Philippine Blog Awards… But I’ll have to admit that I did have some free time to blog. Yet, it took me about 17 days to blog again.

I don’t know why, but somehow, I just didn’t feel like blogging lately.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to talk about. I have a lot of topics in mind actually. But the thing is, every time I try to write a post, I just ended up deleting the draft and just watch something on DVD or check my Plurk page for updates.

As much as I want to, I can’t blame it on my Plurk addiction entirely. To be honest, a part of me is starting to feel like I needed to blog. I need to blog to maintain the traffic and keep my advertisers happy. I need to blog so friends and relatives abroad will know what’s going on with my family. I need to blog so people won’t forget I had a blog. I need to, I need to, I need to. So many need-to-do’s—it’s frustrating.

Then there’s the fact that I can’t just go type my head off. I’m proud to say that I’ve “mastered” the art of ranting without naming names, but there are certain things that I really cannot discuss without putting other people I care about on the line. Yes, there’s freedom of speech. But when my family is already involved, it’s an entirely different story for me—I’d rather just shut up than start a family feud or something.

It never used to bother me before. But after my dad asked me how in the world his colleagues were able to see a photo of our mango tree, that’s when I started to wonder who else reads my blog. Well, if my dad’s colleagues could find me in the intarwebs, there’s no doubt my relatives can easily do that too. A simple search of “Gail” would already yield my complete name and a link to my blog.

You see, I’ve always kept my blog quiet during reunions and such. I don’t even tell them relatives exactly what I do for a living other than “I work at home and make web sites on my computer.” That way I could rant about how shallow a cousin is (if you’re my cousin and you think you’re shallow, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t referring to you really I’m just illustrating a point), without starting Word War III in the clan.

But now, it’s just not that easy anymore. Almost everyone even my aunts and uncles who don’t really spend too much time on the internet other than check their emails can easily access Google, Yahoo, or MSN (why does a search engine always have to be on the start-up page?! Why?!). And yes, they can easily find me now. Oh, and did I mention that even a shallow cousin (sorry, my paranoid cousin, just making a point again here) can be more tech-proficient than an aunt or uncle so there’s a bigger chance he/she will find my rants here on my blog?

Next time there’s a reunion and somebody asks me what I do for a living, I’ll probably just say “I’m a bum.” Yes, because of this paranoia, I’ve become a delinquent blogger.

But I don’t have the heart to just let this blog die. I’ve been through so many things because of this blog: made new friends, made new enemies, got speaking gigs, got projects, got free air fare, ate free food, etc. etc. Kutitots has already been a huge part of my life for the last four or five years; I just can’t let it go.

To hell with you, paranoid-shallow-you-think-I-was-talking-about-you-but-really-I-wasn’t cousin. I shouldn’t let people like you make me lose interest in blogging.

There will be things that I will decide not to talk about, but overall I’ll pretty much try to get back my blog’s old “bite,” if you know what mean. I miss it. I’m so tired of blogging about boring things that don’t really make you or me think. One of the goals I had for this blog was to leave at least a penny for your thoughts, and I’m sorry, dear reader, for failing to do that for the past few months. I guess I’ve been so engrossed about being on the “safe side” all the time that I’ve let this blog turn into a boring, meaningless mess.

So will I blog as regularly as I did last year? Well, that I can’t promise. But I can promise, however, to try my best in making my scarce updates worth your reading while 🙂